bullyingbosses weblog babblings!

7/21/2006

Advance. Retreat. Defend.

Filed under: General — site admin @ 12:31 pm

Good People,

WOW! I got so caught up with the reconstruction my website – and basic as well as exciting business matters — that I never got back to this blog. My apologies. It’s not like I ran out of questions or material. Not even close. I. The greater the demand, the more frequent the postings so pass it around liberally. You never know, your email might be one that gets posted! (All identifying information is otherwise confidential and privileged as required by law for lawyers. Always consult your own attorney for personalized advice.) This is a win-win for everybody. Absolutely no one does what I do — and I do it for free.

“Smart people” (or people who want to be smarter) buy “Bullying Bosses: A Survivor’s Guide. It walks you through all the steps necessary to protect yourself politically. Step-by-step. There can be no substitute for “working” “the workplace, particularly for people who feel isolated or who are isolated. No one can do it for you from someplace removed – not any lawyer sitting in a nice office. They can certainly help, but they can’t do it. And not HR trying to be an “in the office” cop or “lifeguard.”

Self-empowerment is up to “the self.” When you take “responsibility,” as is your “responsibility,” you get the results no one else can for you. Besides, it feels a whole lot better this way. It really does. Don’t suffer needlessly.

Here are a couple of advice letters of mine that appear on line in Toronto at officepolitics.com.

1. This first one is my absolute favorite. The facts cover just about everything that might come up in a bullying drama. And it’s colorful to boot. Responding to this distressed young woman was altogether heartfelt. For me, it was her and my subtle humor that broke the tension. Humor need not be obvious, but it’s powerful. Here we go for “Ms. Cheer Leader:”

An Expert Office Bully, Expert Advice:

Target: …Given her affair with the senior manager, she acts like she is untouchable and pushes every button possible to get my goat. Most of my coworkers can’t believe she would turn on her “only” friend but personally I think I should have seen it coming… and more…

Robert: She is, right now, courting her special manager in the oldest of ways. You can be certain she is documenting every embarrassing detail. Geeeez! He can’t see it coming either…and more…

http://officepolitics.com/advice/?p=31

2. This second one is more recent. It’s for a rather presumptuous manager. This guy was obviously so caught up in the “justice” of his cause, he took his complaints public. Probably not ever a good idea for a manager! Anytime you hear the word “justice” come up inside your brain, you’re in trouble-deep. Let it go. Be objective instead.

Manager: I had an outstanding reputation with my company as I had worked in a management position for 3 years. I was promoted to a higher management position… and more…

Robert: Dear Maligned Manager, You are seeking justice. That is understandable. It’s a community value most of us bring to work. And with your former colleagues, you are being rational about it. Documents. Witnesses. Evidence. In daily work life,…

http://officepolitics.com/advice/?p=220

Absolutely check out my new website. Here are some info articles and cards of interest on the employee-side of www.BullyingBosses.com:

***Incident Report Online Form (This is the key tool for being objective.)
About Robert
Anna’s First Turning Point (BBSG’s Chapter One — The Foundation for it all.)
Contending with Bullying Bosses
The Daisy Approach (My Therapist Says Confront)
Damage Management’s Human Resources
Expert Bully, Expert Advice (see above)
If Isolation Is The Problem, then…
Natural Born Trouble Maker But Smooth
Ten Self-Defense Tips for Bullied Employees
Violence Against Women
Work Is Not Family

And then, of course, here are some old favorites. I’m reposting them because they answer a lot of reoccurring questions. They are from early in this blog-business, when I had more time, so forgive them for being a bit overwrought. But “value is value.” And they’re also free!!! Buy BBSG. It has the whole program for you and it finances the rest for everyone.

Comment #1 (Analytical Tools): Ms. Cloudy is using the analytical tools described in “Bullying Bosses: A Survivor’s Guide.” E.g. maneuvering note cards representing elements into strategic formations. She wonders if she will ever be able to think strategically on her own?
Comment #2 (Physical Abuse): Ms. Anonymous is being physically abused by her work partner. What can she do?
Comment #3 (Courting & Bullying): David’s Bully courts him as if he was a “golden boy,” and then turns on him. His bully utilizes all three general types of bullying: isolating acts, official acts and twisting acts.
Comment #4 (Operative Effect): I report that Bullies lie and manipulate, maybe always. Caro asks what I mean when I suggest that an employee analytically discover the “operative effect” of a Bully’s spin in order to find the truth of the matter?
Comment #5 (Mental Health): Bullying has compromised Mr. Concerned’s mental heath.

That should keep you busy. I suggest that “you pick and choose” for yourself. I’ll post some even newer stuff shortly. Keep checking back. Now reborn, this is a good time to get your questions to me when you’re sure to get a response. Last time around, this blog got very, very busy!

Cheers,

Robert
Author of “Bullying Bosses: A Survivor’s Guide
Seasoned organizer and former union attorney

rare

7 Comments »

  1. CLOUDY ASKS:
    HI Robert,
    After I saw your website I got your book. It has really helped me understand that I have been dealing with a bully boss and what that is by definition. In fact I realized that many times I have been dealing with a bully in my workplace.

    However, as I am using your “tools” – your very practical advice – I ask myself if I ever will be able to develop the skill to understand and succeed in these “political” situations on my own. I am just wondering if you could elaborate on whether or not a person can “learn” to understand these dynamics so as to prevent them from being trapped by them and so as to transfer the knowledge to other relevant situations.
    Many thanks.

    ROBERT RESPONDS:
    Of course, you will learn how to analyze and respond to Bullies on your own. Practice makes perfect.

    Here’s the short course. Let’s divide people into “moralists” and “game players.” Of course there are people who do both roles competently. So can you. The strength of moralists is that, fairly often, they have good interpersonal skills. The strength of the game players is that they know precisely what’s going on, where they want to go, and how they’re going to get there. In all cases, there is no substitute for both paying attention to each other person’s very specific needs and playing it smart.

    MORALITY PLAYS
    Everyone has played games in their life, and work is just one more game – except the stakes and stress are much higher making it difficult to see past the morass without some bit of effort. Think of a lake full of debris. Yuck! You might naturally back away from it and later complain, in general terms, that it is littered (e.g. your deteriorating working conditions and health). If that’s not enough (and it never is) you might broadly chastise the lake’s caretaker (e.g. the Bullying Boss) for violating basic moral standards but leave the facts out of it. Hot air. Nobody is even listening.

    GAME THEORY
    On the other hand, Cloudy, you now just now beginning to “game” these situations. You are making notes and maybe even note cards, for each element (people, places, products…) just like you would for each piece and square on a checkers board. Eventually with or without note cards, you will be able to maneuver the specifics to craft the most practical strategy and tactics possible leading to your goal. The enlightened you will find yourself on top of each morass-of-the-day, paddling right over it. For our littered lake, instead of generalities, you’ll grab a previously ignored, but now identified stick to pull the first rusty can out of the lake, then also find help from specific other people using their particular sticks to the same end.

    COMMAND OF THE FACTS
    Have faith that from your command of the facts, a good plan will, in an organic way and in each situation, become apparent.

    Cheers,
    Robert

    Comment by caroline — 8/4/2006 @ 6:55 am

  2. ANONYMOUS ASKS:

    Hello Robert,

    PHYSICAL ABUSE
    I have a very small business with only one major business partner that I work with on a daily basis.
    We started the company together and at times it can get very intense. After 4yrs there have been issues with physical abuse. Are there contracts available via dept of labor or OSHA that I can look into to secure my investment in this business when physical violence occurs. Any info would be greatly appreciated.

    Thank you,
    Anonymous


    ROBERT REPLIES:
    Absolutely, there are — but probably not starting with governmental agencies.
    I suggest that you call a domestic violence group or a battered women’s shelter. They can help you, or help you find someone who will walk you through each of the steps you should probably be considering, from those emotional to those governmental.

    Best of luck,
    Robert

    Comment by Anonymous — 8/28/2006 @ 9:22 pm

  3. DAVID’S EXCELLENT DISSERTATION

    Robert,

    Thanks for your advice. I read the first chapter of your book online and ordered it from Amazon to arrive express. I’ve re-written my submission below but I would ask that you not use my name on your blog so I can remain anonymous.
    [OF COURSE. YOU ARE NOW “DAVID,” A REFERENCE TO “DAVID & GOLIATH.” REMEMBER, WITH JUST THE RIGHT TACTIC, THE SMALLER DAVID BROUGHT THE BIG GUY DOWN.]

    COURTING
    After promoting me last April and praising me as the office “golden boy” (BULLIES CAN BE PARTICULARLY CHARMING — ALBEIT ONLY SUPERFICIALLY), my bullying boss has turned on me.
    THIS IS A TYPICAL PRE-ATTACK BULLYING ACTIVITY. SHE WAS BOTH COURTING YOU AND SIZING UP YOUR STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESS. BULLYING BOSSES ARE CALCULATION PREDATORS, NOT FOOLS. [BBSG: PP. 9-10]

    I HAVE DESIGNATED THREE GENERAL CATEGORIES OF BULLYING: “ISOLATING ACTS,” “OFFICIAL ACTS” AND “TWISTING ACTS.” EACH HAS A LIST OF SPECIFIC BEHAVIORS.

    *demeaning my direct reports as being incompetent without sufficient evidence.
    [
    AN OFFICIAL ACT: A NEGATIVE PERFORMANCE REPORT]

    *holding up a sign (directed towards me) with the words FASTER written in capital letters.
    [
    A TWISTING ACT: STRESS SUPPOSEDLY USED TO PUSH PERFORMANCE. BUT ACTUALLY TO INFLICT TRAUMA.]

    * Telling me and a direct report of mine that she was going to put us through boot camp to learn how to work faster
    [MORE OF THE SAME]

    * Putting the palm of her hand in my face to indicate that she did not want to discuss a research study, simply read it
    [
    AN ISOLATING ACT: IGNORING & ICING OUT]

    *Accusing me of not completing a project that she had assigned to someone else,
    [
    A TWISTING ACT: PROVIDING FALSE INFORMATION]

    *Accused me of having a negative attitude with the rest of the management team (this was immediately after I brought up her demeanor)
    [A CLEAR REPRISAL]

    I finally had enough and calmly and firmly told her that her demeanor was unnecessary and offered examples her of her behavior. She did not react well and half-way threatened to ‘Write it Up’.

    DEFINITION: BULLYING BOSSES:
    BY WORKPLACE DEFINITION AND NOT NECESSARILY THOSE THAT COME IN FROM THE OUTSIDE, BULLYING BOSSES MAY SUBTLE OR ABUSIVE, BUT THEY CAN’T “CONNECT” WITH OTHERS. THAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LEADERSHIP AND BULLYING; AS WELL AS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BEING ON THE SAME WORKPLACE TEAM AND BEING AT WAR.

    AN UPCOMING MEETING
    We haven’t spoken since but she’s requested my presence in her home office (in a different city) on Monday. I do have support from my team members who disagree with her assessment. What do I do next?
    [BE CALM AND BRACE YOURSELF FOR BAD NEWS. LET THEM COME TO YOU AND THUS EXPOSE THE AGENDA THEY ALREADY HAVE IN MIND. TRY NOT TO BE REACTIVE. TRY TO BUY TIME TO THINK THINGS THROUGH BEFORE RESPONDING. IF IT IS POSSIBLE TO TAKE SOMEONE WITH YOU, YOU WOULD BE WISE TO DO SO.

    A BULLYING MANAGER AS WELL
    Her behavior is cut from the same cloth as who she works for – the CEO. Although I believe she was like this before, it exacerbates her bullying. And she seems to have everyone wrapped around her finger. How do I approach HR?
    YES, DAVID, THAT HAPPENS A LOT. BUT KEEP IN MIND, NO MATTER WHO SHE WORKS FOR, SHE A BULLY IN HER OWN RIGHT. ONLY BULLIES – BULLY.

    TO BE BELIEVED
    IN ORDER FOR THE STAFF AT HR TO BELIEVE YOU AND TO UNDERSTAND THE DEPTH YOUR PREDICAMENT, YOU WILL HAVE TO PRODUCE DOCUMENTATION, WITH DETAILS PROVING A SERIES OF NEGATIVE EVENTS. [BBSG: pp: 193-204] IF YOU TAKE NOTES IN A CLEAR AND UNIFORM MANNER, A PATTERN WILL BECOME EVIDENT TO YOU AND THEM..
    WITHOUT THE FACTS, ALL HR WILL SEE IS YET ANOTHER UNHAPPY EMPLOYEE WITH YET ANOTHER SAD STORY TO TELL.

    INCIDENT REPORTS
    I RECOMMEND USING THE “INCIDENT REPORT FORMS” FOUND ON MY WEBSITE. [BullyingBosses.com. FOR FREE, THEY MAKE THIS PROCESS QUICK, EASY AND PAINLESS. [BBSG: pp: 197-199] BBSG: pp: 172-173]
    I’m going to start sending myself e-mails to document all activity and send a sealed and stamped letter to myself at work and at home to document it in print. Is this a good strategy that I can use in building my case?
    I STRONGLY RECOMMEND AGAINST USING THE EMPLOYER’S COMPUTERS FOR ANY SENSITIVE MATTER, INCLUDING THIS ONE

    ORDERED THE BOOK
    I’ve ordered your book and will read it this weekend.
    [GOOD IDEA]

    SEEKS CONSULTATION
    Also, I’m interested in your counseling rates.
    [ANOTHER GOOD IDEA. I CHARGE ON SLIDING SCALE BASIS. THE GREATER THE INCOME AT STAKE, THE LARGER THE FEE. THAT MAKES THE OTHER WAY AROUND POSSIBLE.]

    Bests,
    Robert


    Comment by site admin — 9/21/2006 @ 5:57 pm

  4. 4. CARO ASKS: WHAT IS LOOKING FOR THE “OPERATIVE EFFECT?”

    Hello Robert,
    I am currently reading your book to cope with my situation at work. I am at the stage where I am planning strategic steps, e.g. using cards. You are suggesting, see section four, that the workplace warrior should “focus on the objective and operative effect”. Could you please elaborate on what this objective and operative effect entails.
    Kind regards,
    Caro

    ROBERT RESPONDS:

    Caro,

    WHATEVER THE BULLY WANTS IS HIDDEN
    Bullying Bosses are con artists. They are not “personable people” and do not generally engage in purposeless conversation. Probably with most every word and body inflection, they are furthering covert goals, large or small, for use now or sometime in the future. But their current goal is usually impossible to discover from inside the labyrinth of informational noise they create. Both consciously and unconsciously, they hide what they actually want in a dark place inside themselves that is simply undiscoverable by anyone caught in its depths.

    BULLIES ARE CALCULATION PREDATORS
    Bullying Boss conversations are not like any other kind of conversation. They are special and we must apply special rules to match. If their mouths are moving, their manipulations are flowing. This is not good for us and as repeatedly observed, they rather obviously can’t help it. It’s the best they can manage. Effectively, they are socially and thus occupationally disabled – while unfortunately also armed with malice and the authority to back it up. As I’ve said in a different context, “Bullying Bosses are calculating predators, not fools.” Do not let them play you as their fool.

    IF THE BULLY’S SPIEL WAS BELIEVED: WHAT WOULD ACTUALLY CHANGE?
    When one is coming at you with a pitch, appreciate his or her inner darkness for a moment or two. Take a few unnoticeable breaths. Let your eyes unfocus to let your attention drift broadly into the realm above and beyond the Bully — who is, unfortunately, still right in front of you. When separated from the details they intend to distract you, the larger view becomes apparent. Simply and silently ask: “Without regard to the content or their delivery, ultimately what would I be doing differently if I took their spiel at face value? Would I be here or there? Would I be doing X or Y? What is in my, and my employer’s actual self-interest?”

    PROTECT YOUR BOUNDARIES
    At first, it can be difficult, maybe even seem dehumanizing, to separate one’s personal self from that of another living, breathing human being – even if it is absolutely necessary to uncover objective reality for reasons of self-protection. Of course normally, there is no reason to. But with the Bullies, for good and probably daily reasons, establishing and protecting one’s personal boundaries must necessarily and fairly quickly become second nature.

    Robert

    Comment by caroline — 9/24/2006 @ 8:32 am

  5. Concerned Asks:

    Greetings Mr. Mueller,

    A POWERFUL, WELL-LIKED BULLY
    I was relieved to see that there are those out there devoted to such a worthy cause. I am currently in my third professional job in the last eight years. I work at a well-known university, and I have been here since June, 2005. For the last few months I have been trying desperately to find new employment due to what I am sure is constant harassment and bullying that is — either directly or indirectly — delivered by my supervisor. He is very well connected throughout the School of Medicine where I work, and he is able to turn almost everyone against me when I displease him. This is what I have a hard time figuring out – why so many people are so enamored by him and do not see through things. I do not understand what the problem is; it feels as though I threaten him, even though I have tried to extend a sentiment of a “team” synergy utilizing both our talents.

    REFUSAL TO ACKNOWLEDGE RATIONAL APPROACHES
    I have treated him with respect and professionalism, and I am a hard and thorough worker. The bullying always seem to coincide with instances when I make suggestions of things that he has little knowledge of (technically speaking). I have overheard him maligning my reputation to other employees on the phone and in person, he has accused me of being incompetent and basically of lying about the experience and abilities I claim to have. Even when I have sent him copies of presentations and reports that I created at my previous job detailing products that I created, he refuses to acknowledge it. In meetings when I simply explain what I did in developing something, he cuts me off and talks over me as if to suppress my abilities in the presence of higher-ups.

    A STEALING BULLY, RATIONALLY RESPONDED TO
    He takes credit for my work and recently passed the blame on me for something that I was not even aware of, and when I asked, nicely, about it he avoided the issue and just gave me a quick and hollow response. I told him that it was not a big deal but that I just wanted to know what happened, what was said, and to who. He became agitated, somewhat angry, and quickly changed the subject. He has no transparency at all in his policies towards me. I leave his office in shock and thinking: “what is going on? Is it me, what did I do to tick him off?” The next day, or a few days later, he is jovial and sometimes offensively patronizing.

    A BULLYING ATTACK WITH VAGUE, NON-WORK RELATED SLANDERS
    He is constantly referring to me as “creepy” and as having “issues” and being “delusional”, and when I hear these things I think to myself “what on Earth is he talking about? Where did he get that idea?” I think it is when I show mild disapproval of some of his behavior toward me.

    A VULNERABLE TARGET
    So, I am at a point now where I am completely afraid to try anything just to keep from being harassed. I know it sounds silly, but I am almost afraid to touch my keyboard to start working on something. I am very apprehensive about leaving for work, and I get a clinch in my stomach when I arrive because I just do not know what to expect. I am under constant anxiety, and it would not take much for them to make a case for my dismissal since in the last two months, I have not been very productive. This whole ordeal is taking a toll on my mental health: I have trouble sleeping and I snap at my children and wife and this really troubles me. I am doing everything I can to find a new job, but I am having trouble getting motivated to do anything. I have read a few articles about workplace bullies and so-called “serial” bullies and I’m wondering: should I be really concerned?

    Any advice you can provide would be much appreciated.

    ROBERT RESPONDS:

    Man oh’ Man. I hate it when anyone gets into bad shape, particularly when it’s so bad that it may be too late for me to help. I have so much to say, both to the current you and the you-from-before things got so dire. Your post raises a great many issues applicable to many other people, so I’ll take this opportunity to discuss several, even it if takes awhile to do so.

    POLITICAL STRUGGLE
    This relationship is different from probably anyone you have had before. He is not personable and not inclined to be rational either. Indeed, he repeatedly rejects your attempts to approach him rationally. He obviously doesn’t want to supervise and support your work efforts. He certainly doesn’t want to be your friend. He seeks your conquest which is a different thing altogether. By now, it is surely obvious to you that none of this is about misunderstandings. This is political struggle. This is war. You’re fighting for you life – and not just metaphorically. And he has you in a rout without your actually going anywhere.

    Unfortunately for employees, the Bullies tend to gravitate to, and collect in, workplaces. That’s where they can find the power and institutional support for doing-the-things-Bullies-do. At work, and fueled by malice they seemingly have all the power, and contact with them is largely not voluntary. Yours will keep you trapped in a painful corner – until you either out-maneuver him, or you leave.

    TORTURE: PERSONALLY TAKEN
    You did what most people do. We would like to believe that the world is populated exclusively by reasonable people, people who we can make “contact” with, an people who treat others with, as you put it, “respect and dignity.” On a subjective level, that would be nice even if impossible. It hurt me, and I am sure others, to read your tortured attempts to reach out to him with workplace contributions and, as well personally for his approval.

    And what did he do in response? He maligned you and your character in vague, mental health terms, in front of others. He called you “’creepy’ and as having ‘issues’ and being ‘delusional.” I noticed that he didn’t say anything substantive about anything, at least nothing you felt motivated to share. Although he called you a “liar,” I read nothing about the actual work you are both responsible for – despite your concern about your contribution of late. I suppose you can take some solace in that. But it is also quintessentially, “Bully-like.”

    I would hate to try to count up how many people I’ve heard report that they faced this same excruciating rudeness, seeming verbatim. And yet, sometimes for years, people ignore what’s right in front of them. They continue to approach the “petty tyrant” on a personal level that I am trying to steer you clear of, taking all the blows personally (“Gee, that’s gotta hurt”) when they should have been focusing, in an objective way, in every other direction besides the “petty tyrant’s,” for bona fide support.

    MAKE PREEMPTIVE ALLIANCES
    If, by chance, we had talked earlier, then we might have devised ways to preempt your remarkably awful supervisor from turning everyone against you. I would have certainly suggested that you give up your campaign “to connect” with him and to reason with him, as you have probably done successfully with maybe everyone before meeting your Bully. I would have urged you to shift your focus outwardly to the context rich with resources, rather than inwardly to your already damaged psyche.

    I probably would have suggested that at the first sign of trouble, or better as a preemptive measure from the beginning, you make it your number one priority to reach out to each of the relevant people around you before he got to them first.

    To make it real, you’d have the patience to discover what a certain secretary wanted most – and is also something you can help her with. Without being intrusive, it could have been as easy as hooking her up with a romantic interest of your acquaintance. It might have been as serious as helping the guy in the next department find just the right lawyer, who you happen to know about, for a special difficulty of his.

    SUPPORTERS
    It would not have been to sell anyone your ugly bullying problem. It politics, maybe a well as in life in general, it really is better to give than receive. After being of genuine value to each of several others, nothing “ugly” and abstract that your supervisor might say could trump what you’ve already made real. It won’t work on everyone but it only takes a couple of folks with whom you have shared a significant history, to keep you work environment friendly and productive. It’s just being neighborly, something the Bullies can never do. As I’ve said before, “Bullies are relentlessly not personal people.”

    LEAVING
    Making leaving more difficult, for as long as you remain under his heal, I question your ability to interview for jobs and thus successfully escape him — not with your pain and desperation hanging out all over the place.

    To quote from my book, as authors tend to do:

    “For most people, the responsibilities they have on the job and at home can also keep them feeling pinned in that negative situation for too long, sometimes for a very long time. Leaving the workplace may not be an immediate option. Their bills need to be paid, their kids need to be fed. Larger career plans may require finishing a certain project, winning a critically important contract, or using their current job—as awful as it is—as a stepping stone to get the next job. As true and legitimate as all these concerns can be, they can also develop into a never-ending quandary, artificially preventing Target employees’ departure when departure is the only reasonable thing to do.

    Leaving would be made easier if there was the option of moving smoothly into a new job. It can be scary to jump empty-handed into an employment void, particularly when feeling weakened or damaged.

    But as a matter of self-preservation, Targets must exit an abusive situation as soon as practical and possible. No matter what awaits them, at least there will still be a true sense of personal identity and integrity that they can take to their next job. It may be counter-intuitive, but once departed for a time, Targets almost invariably report back that leaving was the best thing they ever did. They not only landed on their feet, but they landed better than they could ever have imagined.”
    “Bullying Bosses: A Survivor’s Guide.” (pp. 7-8)

    A COUPLE OF OPTIONS TO CONSIDER
    Maybe there’s an internal transfer you could go for? Maybe, if others have successfully done it before, you could negotiate for severance pay? For financial support and otherwise, certainly do the actual thing of reaching out to each friend and relative. Hey, I hate to admit what in other circumstances might sound foolish, but I lived off credit cards. These days, some have very low to zero interest! Given a choice between a life-destroying job and debt, I chose life.

    Every thing has to have its end point. This job you’ve been suffering for too long, reached its end point a good while ago. You said yourself, “This whole ordeal is taking a toll on my mental health: I have trouble sleeping and I snap at my children and wife and this really troubles me.” Nuff said.

    Bests,

    Robert

    Comment by concerned — 10/19/2006 @ 2:43 am

  6. Thank you for your advice and validation of my problem. It has been immensely helpful to hear how typical this behavior is, as you mention that you have heard it before. I’m going to get a copy of “Bullying Bosses” at Amazon.
    Thanks again.

    Concerned

    Comment by concerned — 10/19/2006 @ 11:18 pm

  7. Hi Robert,

    I just want to comment on my work situation. After having now used the techniques described in your book for some time, my situation has improved, that is, I was able to maneuver myself into a different place at work. Not to say that the danger is over. But I feel less helpless, less distraught since I am playing it politically. Before using the political approach, I often just wanted to patch things over with my boss. In a way I did not even understand that I was trapping myself for the boss’s next move. Having removed the emotional component has liberated me to know that there are always options to steer the situation towards a better place for me. I am much calmer now, fear has no longer a hold on me, and I can actually think more clearly. Thanks!

    Robert: You are welcome.

    Comment by caroline — 10/29/2006 @ 8:18 am

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